


i want you to want me

by turnerandkane



Category: Cowboy Bebop
Genre: M/M, i love the spacefaring kiss boys and i need more of them, this is literally so goofy just the good space boys being dumb with some emotions on top
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-11
Updated: 2017-05-11
Packaged: 2018-10-30 14:01:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10878270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/turnerandkane/pseuds/turnerandkane
Summary: Spike and Jet play a game.  Spike isn't very good at it.





	i want you to want me

Spike is late.

Jet wants to look up from the bar and search for him, but he was informed before they started this charade that this is against the rules. If Spike doesn’t show up soon, though, he might have to break the rules. This wasn’t _his_ silly idea in the first place.

He takes another sip of his drink and is about to look over his shoulder when he feels someone walk up next to him. He knows without seeing him that it is Spike. _Finally_ he thinks.

Spike lays a hand on the bar next to him. He’s far too close for comfort if he were a stranger, and Jet is supposed to be pretending he is a stranger. So he gets up and moves to the next seat.

Spike moves closer again, and Jet tries to keep himself from smiling. As far as he knows there’s no rule that he can’t make this difficult for Spike; in fact, as he understands it, that’s part of the point. So he moves over again. The bar is mostly empty, so he has plenty of places left to run away, and he doesn’t have to look at Spike to sense his frustration. 

This time Spike speaks before invading his space again.

“What are you drinking?” he asks.

Jet meets his eyes, finally, and he appreciates that Spike’s mask of confidence wavers when he does so.

“Whiskey,” he answers.

“Can I buy you another?” Spike asks.

Jet considers his response. Part of him wants to make this as challenging for Spike as he can, and that same part of him knows that his genuine response to being hit on by a stranger in a bar is pure disinterest the vast majority of the time. Another part of him loves Spike and wants to end this ridiculous dance so they can have a fun time together on a rare night that Spike has convinced Faye to take Ed out for some fun and give them an evening alone. 

His combative side wins out for the time being.

“I don’t need another right now, thanks,” he says.

Spike frowns, but recovers quickly. “I guess I’ll have to hang out until you do then.”

“I would prefer you didn’t,” Jet says. 

Spike’s cheery façade is close to falling away completely. Jet is a little worried about pushing him too far, because knows better than anyone that Spike can throw a real fit if he doesn’t get what he wants, and it is clear that he thought this interaction would go very differently. He hasn’t given up yet, though. He maintains his smile and says, “Then how will we get to know each other?”

“We won’t,” Jet says without looking at him. He takes another sip of his drink.

Spike’s high spirit seems to be gone for good now, and apparently he is dropping the act because his husky tone has turned into a whine when he says, “Jet, you have to be interested for this to work.”

“You have to make me interested for this to work,” Jet retorts.

“You’re not giving me anything to work with,” Spike grumbles as he takes a defeated seat on the stool next to Jet.

“You said you wanted to seduce me in a bar like we were strangers. I’m not easily seduced by strangers in bars.”

“But it’s me…” Spike says in what Jet affectionately refers to as his ‘petulant child voice,’ which means it is time for Jet to humor him or risk him pouting for the rest of the night. So he buys him an amaretto sour, lights him a cigarette, and lays a comforting hand on his shoulder.

“If it’s that important to you, we can try it again,” Jet says, “and I will play along.”

“No,” Spike says, “I don’t want you to just play along, I want it to work.”

“And I don’t want to spend our night to ourselves pretending that we don’t know each other,” Jet says, moving his hand from Spike’s shoulder to his thigh as he speaks. Spike looks down at it, then back up at Jet’s face.

“Good point,” he says.

They leave without finishing their drinks.

*

Jet knows Spike very well. Probably better than he has ever known another person. They have lived in very close quarters for several years now, and they’ve been dating for much of that time. Because of this, Jet knows how much there is to love about Spike. He is unfailingly kind, he has endless energy that he consistently puts toward doing good for others, he can always see the bright side of any situation, and he is one of the most open and genuine people Jet has ever known. Jet sees all of this in play every day of his life, and he loves that he gets to just watch Spike exist in the world on a regular basis. He considers it a privilege.

The price he pays for that privilege, however, is also being intimately familiar with Spike’s less stellar traits. Spike is impatient, childish, reckless, stubborn, prone to moodiness… really, the list goes on. Jet can’t begrudge him most of it, because everyone has their flaws, and he would be the first to admit that Spike puts up with a lot from him too. But Jet does blame himself for consistently underestimating just how infuriating Spike can be when he sets his mind to something. Really, he should know to see these things coming by now.

So he feels like an idiot when it becomes evident that Spike will not end his mission after one failed attempt. He is determined to pick up Jet in a bar, even though, as Jet has pointed out multiple times, he very much does not have to do this. There seems to be some point of pride in it for him, so he insists he be allowed to try again. Jet finally acquiesces, because an important skill he has acquired in his time with Spike is knowing how to pick his battles.

A few weeks later they’re at another dodgy bar after failing yet again to finally actually earn a bounty. They had a particularly rough go of it this time, and Spike is blaming himself for their loss, and Jet will do whatever he can to make him feel better. 

It all goes south, however, when it turns out that Spike has shifted his strategy somewhat. When he walks up to Jet and says, “Do you believe in love at first sight or do I have to walk by again?” Jet laughs for ten minutes straight, and Spike doesn’t seem to appreciate it. “I know it was ridiculous,” he is still moaning hours later, “that’s the _point_.”

Jet lifts his head from where he has been kissing down Spike’s chest and says, “Are you going to complain the entire time?” Spike huffs, but he doesn’t say anything else until he’s breathing out Jet’s name over and over, and that Jet doesn’t mind so much.

*

The third time goes worse than the second, which Jet would have found hard to believe was possible. But this time Spike physically injures himself, which Jet thinks definitely shoots this straight up to Number One Worst Pickup Attempt Thus Far.

It happens because Spike tries to lean his elbow on the bar, but the sleeve of his coat does not play nice with the slick wooden surface of the counter, and his arm slides out from under him. Unfortunately, he is leaning his head on his hand at the time, and the crack his chin makes when it hits the bar is particularly unpleasant. 

Jet jumps up to help him, and Spike is trying to play it cool but there is blood dripping out of his mouth and his face is red, no doubt partially due to his injury but also- primarily, Jet suspects- due to embarrassment. 

Spike is normally fairly good about letting Jet patch him up when he is injured. Sometimes he whines a little bit, but Jet knows he likes to be taken care of, and Jet is always happy to do it. But when they get home and Jet insists he make sure none of Spike’s teeth are going to fall out, Spike is quiet and uncooperative. He locks himself in the bathroom to clean up his face on his own, and Jet waits outside for a long time before he emerges. 

When he does come out, Spike starts getting ready for bed without saying a word to Jet. This concerns him. He’s seen Spike in this mood plenty of times, but usually he can immediately identify the cause. He knows he’s embarrassed about what happened, but he can’t figure out why he seems to be upset with Jet about it. He wracks his brain trying to come up with a reason that Spike would specifically be mad at him for this, and he cannot think of anything. It doesn’t make sense.

He follows Spike’s lead and gets himself ready for bed, but when Spike goes to turn off the lights he stops him.

“What’s going on?” he asks, and he is worried for a moment that he is going to have to pry it out of him, but before too long Spike sighs and his anger seems to fall away. What’s left is sadness and something Jet has only very rarely seen in Spike; uncertainty.

“I just wish I could do it,” Spike says softly.

“Why?” Jet asks, “I don’t understand Spike. Why do you need to pretend to pick me up in a bar when you already have me? That’s one of the many benefits of being in a relationship, you know. You don’t have to do these things.”

Spike is quiet again. Jet gives him time. Whatever is at the heart of this is obviously important to Spike, is obviously eating at him, and Jet wants to fix it if he can, but he needs Spike to tell him what it is first. He knows Spike can’t always articulate well what he is feeling, and Jet is often able to fill in the gaps himself, but this time he is in the dark, and Spike has to work it out on his own.

Jet doesn’t hear him the first time he says it. He asks him to repeat himself, and Spike seems loathe to do so, but he speaks louder this time. 

“I wanted to see that you would want me.”

“What?” Jet asks.

“I wanted to… In that environment, in that scenario you know. If we met that way. Know you would want me then. Or whatever.”

Jet does not know how to respond to this. He certainly hadn’t expected it. Most of the time Spike is all confidence and bravado, even when he is being an idiot. He doesn’t doubt himself; he dives into everything headfirst with a conviction that he can do it, even if the evidence suggests that he very much cannot. And no matter how many times he is confronted with his own limitations, he does not stop believing in himself.

So hearing him express concern that he is not enough or that he could be inadequate in some way is jarring. It’s especially jarring given that he seems to feel he might not be enough _for Jet_. 

“Spike,” he says, “You don’t need to worry about that. I love you. I want you. In any situation.  
In every situation.” 

“I know,” Spike says, “but I wanted to. I don’t know. I wanted to see if I could make it happen. With… the challenge. I guess.”

He still looks very sad, and Jet needs to find a way to fix this because he hadn’t mean to hurt Spike, he never means to hurt Spike, and it is unacceptable that he apparently has.

“Come here,” Jet says, opening his arms, and Spike folds himself against his chest. It’s remarkable how small he can seem at times. He is tall, but his lanky body really doesn’t take up much space. 

Jet runs his hands through Spike’s hair and presses a kiss to the top of his head. They sit in silence for a moment while Jet rubs Spike’s back in slow circles, feeling some, but not all, of the tension seep out of Spike’s body at his touch.

“You want me to want you,” Jet says, “in that situation. Where we’re strangers.”

He feels Spike nod.

“You want to feel like we would happen no matter what? If we met that way? Or some other way?”

Spike nods again.

Jet thinks about this for a moment. He still can’t say he understands it, but he has always been the more practical and level-headed of the two of them. He doesn’t see any reason to wonder if Spike would want him or if they would be together in a different situation, because they’re in this situation. Still, he thinks, it seems to be important to Spike, and by not wanting him in their little scenarios, he has hurt Spike’s feelings and made him worried. That cannot stand.

“I think I know what to do about this,” Jet says.

*

Jet decides this idea will work best if Spike isn’t fully in on it, so he says what he needs to to alleviate Spike’s bad mood for the time being, and a few weeks later he plans to make his move.

He convinces Faye to take Spike to a bar on their own, which involves Jet bribing Faye and Faye pestering Spike until he agrees to go out with her.  Neither of them is very happy with the situation, but Jet doesn’t care as long as they play along.

Jet arrives at the bar about fifteen minutes after Spike and Faye. He sits at a table in the corner, out of Spike’s line of vision, and waits for Faye to leave Spike alone while she goes to the bathroom. She catches Jet’s eye and nods as she walks past him, and he smiles. She pretends she is irritated by them, because she pretends she is irritated by everything, but he knows in her heart she cares. He’ll have to remind himself to thank her again later.

That is, assuming this works. He thinks (hopes) it will.

Jet walks up to the bar but remains out of Spike’s sight. He tries to imagine that Spike is just an attractive stranger, someone he has to impress, someone who might not be receptive to his advances. When he feels like he has himself in the right mindset, he steps up next to Spike.

“Hi,” Jet says, and Spike jumps.

It takes him a minute to get over being startled, but Jet can tell the instant Spike realizes what is going on. He grins briefly before joining the act.

“Hi,” he says.

“I’m Jet,” Jet says, “can I buy you another drink?”

“Don’t you want to know my name?” Spike asks.

“If you decide you still want to tell me what it is after we’ve talked,” Jet answers.

Spike smiles. “What if I already want to tell you now?”

“Then I’m more charming than I thought I was,” Jet smiles back.

“It’s Spike,” Spike offers.

“Spike,” Jet repeats, “Nice to meet you Spike.”

“Nice to meet you Jet.”

“So,” Jet asks, “can I buy you that drink?”

“Yeah,” Spike says, “I think that would be good.”

Jet orders him another drink, and then another, and they stay in character for the next two hours. Jet asks Spike question after question that he already knows the answer to, and Spike tells him his stories like Jet’s never heard them before, which makes it feel like he really hasn’t. He talks about going after bounties that Jet went after with him and makes it feel like a new experience, such that Jet finds himself wishing he were a part of it before reminding himself, of course, he was. Spike’s eyes light up as he talks up his exploits, and even though Jet knows he is exaggerating he finds himself leaning into it. His interest and enthusiasm are more sincere than he ever expected them to be; he even laughs genuinely when Spike tries too hard to be funny. Spike, for his part, just becomes brighter and more animated the more obvious it is that Jet is enjoying himself. 

As the conversation begins to wind down, Jet takes the last swig of his drink and leans over close to Spike’s face.

“So,” he says, “Are we leaving here together?”

Spike shivers. He turns his head so that he is looking Jet in the eye and nods. “I think we are.”

Jet pays for their drinks and they both try to act like they aren’t rushing home.

*

As fun as the evening has been, Jet is glad that Spike drops the act once they’re back on the Bebop. It’s quite possible that he only does this because he is far too focused on tearing off all of Jet’s clothing to try to maintain his persona, but whatever the reason, Jet is relieved. 

“How’d I do?” he asks. Spike laughs.

“Pretty well, I’d say,” he answers, and then prevents further conversation by kissing Jet and pushing him back against the bed. 

Spike is being confident and direct in a way he almost never is in bed. He’ll tell Jet what he wants and sometimes he’ll drive their interactions, but more often than not Jet takes control. They both enjoy it that way. But this, Jet thinks as Spike straddles him and pulls off his shirt, this is also something he could enjoy. 

The sex doesn’t last long, but it is intense. Spike is in Jet’s lap the entire time, and every part of their bodies is pressed together as closely as is possible in their position. Spike’s arms are wrapped around Jet’s back, and when he comes Jet feels his fingernails digging into his skin before the tension leaves his body. Jet pulls out and starts to finish himself off, but Spike pulls his hand away and moves down his body to take his cock into his mouth instead. It takes less than a minute for Jet to come, and Spike seems satisfied with himself as he moves back up to Jet’s side.

Jet lazily kisses Spike’s cheek, nose, and forehead before meeting his mouth again. They sit there for a few moments, barely moving, before Spike pulls away and looks Jet in the eyes.

“Thank you,” he says.

“For what?” Jet asks.

“I know what you did. Or why I guess. You wanted me to feel wanted. Thank you.”

“So it worked?” Jet asks.

Spike smiles and nods. He turns on his back and looks up at the ceiling before he speaks again.

“I know it’s silly,” he says, “I guess I just. Feel insecure sometimes.”

“It’s not silly,” Jet says. “It’s normal. But you know that I love you, right?”

Spike nods again. “I know,” he says, “I love you too. That’s why I get worried.”

Jet runs his hands through Spike’s hair and sighs. He knows enough about Spike’s past to know it will always be a challenge convincing him that this can be real, that it can be permanent, that he has a home with Jet for as long as he wants. But if all he has to do to reassure him is play along with his whims once in a while, he feels like he can probably manage it. That’s what he spends half his life doing anyway, he reasons.

“I love you,” Jet says again, because it always bears repeating.

“Thank you,” Spike says, and Jet knows that means more to him than I love you too.

“Get some sleep,” Jet suggests.

“Don’t tell me what to do,” Spike replies, and leans up to kiss Jet again.

 _All right_ Jet thinks, because really, Spike’s got the better idea anyway.

_Fin._


End file.
